Today's excellent Joke of the blog awaits you...
A young, single guy is on a cruise ship, having the time of his life. On the second day of the cruise, the ship slams into an iceberg and begins to sink. Passengers around him are screaming, flailing and drowning, but he manages to grab on to a piece of driftwood and, using every last ounce of strength, swims a few miles through the shark-infested sea to a remote island. Sprawled on the shore and nearly passing out from exhaustion, he turns his head and sees a woman lying next to him, unconscious and barely breathing. She also managed to wash up on shore from the sinking ship. He makes his way to her and with some mouth-to-mouth assistance, he manages to get her breathing again. She looks up at him, wide-eyed and grateful, and says, "My God, you saved my life!" He suddenly realizes the woman is Cindy Crawford! Days and weeks go by. Cindy and the man are living on the island together. They've set up a hut, there's fruit on the trees, and they're in heaven. Cindy's fallen madly in love with him, and they're making passionate love, morning, noon and night. One day she notices that he looks kind of glum. "What's the matter, sweetheart?" she asks. "We have a wonderful life together. I'm in love with you. Is there something wrong? Is there anything I can do?"He says, "Actually, Cindy, there is. Would you mind putting on my shirt?""Sure," she says, "If it will help."He takes off his shirt and she puts it on. "Now would you put on my pants?" he asks. "Sure, honey, if it's really going to make you feel better," she says. "Okay, would you put on my hat now, and draw a little mustache on your face?" he asks. "Whatever you want, sweetie," she says, and does. Then he says, "Now, would you start walking around the edge of the island?"She starts walking around the perimeter of the island. He sets off in the other direction. They meet up half way around the island a few minutes later. He rushes up to her, grabs her by the shoulders, and says, "Dude! You'll never believe who I'm sleeping with!"
...shallow but funny, i say. In any case, blogger has been neglected for almost a month and I've gotten complaints from various sources about my lack of posting. Well, life's been a blast lately. For the 4th of July, KP's family invited me out to their lakehouse for a day of fun. However, my mothe didn't like that idea much, so she decided to hand me a big ass list of things to do on the noon of the 4th, and i wasn't to leave until i'm done with them. Her sadistic plan called for my to spend enough time doing the errands that i wont have time to drive out (about 85 miles west of here) to the lake and for it to be worth while. HA, little does she know my mad skills. I got everything on the list done in an hour without a sweat, it was the last item on the list that was the low-blow: fixing our lawn sprinklers heads, a plethora of them. That's right, in 95 degree heat and 70% humidity of the 4th of July, in the middle of the afternoon, David was crouched outside, digging up dirt and replacing sprinkler heads (that also called upon a few trips to Ace Hardware). It sucked much hardcoreness. However, about an hour and a half later, i was victorious with zero breaks in between. Got everything fixed and grabbed my suit and head out the door. Departure time: 2:40pm. After calling KP to let her know i am going out to meet her, i got some gas. She had told me the trip would take about an hour and a half to two hours. However, that was by normal people time :-D I flew down center street out west (or highway 9) at approximately 80 mph most of the way, accomplishing the daunting task of passing 4 vehicles in a row. For those of you that dont know, I drive a two metric-ton SUV. Driving that at highway speeds is truly scary if you've never tried it b4. It's similar to maneuvering an asteroid =D In all cases, I passed any and everyone i could to maintain at the cruising velocity, keeping no cars in front of me so i can scan for cops. About 50 mins later, I passed Oceola, NE. About 15mins (normal people driving time) away from the lake, called KP so she could come meet me at the gate and let me in. 5 mins later i was there...hehe. By the time I actually got to her lakehouse, Arrival Time: 3:42pm. It took roughly an hour for me to cover about 85 miles. hehe, that's a personal best. for now. Finally, after meeting her relatives, it was time for some excellent H2O activities. Changing into my swimsuit in raipd fashion, i followed KP out and quickly located my favorite water toy (for now): JET-SKI. Whoever came up with the idea of jetski should be given a nobel prize of some kind. KP warned me kindly that she was a wild driver. Having no fear, we headed out for some waves. A few boats were out, and we hit some decent wakes, about 15mins later, she asked me if i would like to drive. I happily obliged. Afterall, turning down a nice girl's request would be rather rude ;). Putting the key in, she asked me if i knew how to drive a jetski well. "I'm a safe driver," I proclaimed, and before she could "teach" me how to operate the water craft of death, I gunned it and we were off. KP boasted that she was the wildest driver in her family and that i wouldn't be able to scare her. Could she be more wrong. By the time I was driving, most of the boats had headed in and there was only a few lil boats out, not much wake to skip off of. Time to creat your own fun. Immediately leaning left and right, I was carving S-weaves like none other, and skippin' off our own wake on some turns. "Watch out for sea weed!!" she screamed in terror as i headed out to the shallow end, or so she thought. Right before gettin' to the shallow sandbank, I leaned until most of my weight was off the jetski to the left and gunned the throttle. The engined whined, and then screamed, as we hit about a 90 turn and bounced back inward. I slowed the ski down and looked back. KP was turning pale as she had a death grip around my waist. Beggin me to stop, I carved a few more turns and we headed back to the dock. Hehe, i'm evil. Coming in, we swam around some more and hung out with KP for the rest of the evening. After dinner, KP conned her mom into riding with me. Of course, the Mrs never suspected innocent david of being capable of destruction. A few S-weaves and wake runs later, the dock was in sight. Following in the wake of a giant boat, I leaned into the wake and flicked the throttle in a quick whipcracker. In goes the Mrs. as she couldn't hang out for dear life. Whoops. LoL. After rescuing KP's mom from the waters, I gentle cruised into the dock, to be greeted by KP's wide devious smile. Hehe. More water fun and an SUV-load worth of fireworks, which seemed to not last too long, later, I headed back to Omaha w/ KP around 10:40. Seeing as it was dark, I abided by the speed limit of 65 (sort of) and cruised at a steady 70 home. Dropped KP off, and went home. Wow, that was a kick ass day. Ever since then, I've just been chilling out with people as much as I can. Saw Pirates of the Caribbean and T3, both great films, certainly worth your $6. If you've been talking to me lately, you'll know that I have been assigned the daunting task of converting approximately 6600+ Photos from our entire family album onto a DVD. Cool, some of you may say. Except it's such a pain in the ass. The actual DVD file is about 32GB in uncompressed size, and i'm only about halfway thru on the pictures. If you know any computers at all, my 60GB hard drive can't handle the entirety, so I am forced to work continuously and not save. That's right kids, I can't save my progress, so I am left at the mercy of my trusty powerbook G4. Mostly, it's been good to me and I have about half the project saved, but no more saving beyond that point. However, the parental has agreed to pay me handsomely for my efforts, as if she took all the stuff to a digital studio, they'd most likely charge her exhuberently (sp?) out of her ass for impersonalized service, as opposed to me being in control of how the slideshows and menus are arranged. Ohyea, in other news, David has gone on a back to school shopping spree and blew about $650 in new computer gear (i've been saving up forever for this). I am now a proud owner of a 15GB 3rd Generation iPod and Bose QuietComfort2 Noise-cancelling headphones. The iPod has already been firewire-synced with my iTunes on the college laptop and contains about 8GB of pure digital music (all legal, at that... my kazaa music collection is on the other computer, and i dont feel like tainting my precious iPod with it). Ohyea, I also got my rooming information at Carnegie. I got into a Prime Double in New House, which was still being finished when i visited at the end of April. That's right kids, I'm going to be living in BRAND NEW dorms. Free cable, plus the entire campus being wireless-G networked (due to my kickass Airport Extreme card on my laptop, I'll be one of the few that'll be sharing the Wireless-G network, transferring at 54mbps) while the rest of the crowd will surf at the relatively pitiful 12mpbs. Wire-free. Yup, the entire CMU campus is like a giant starbucks, I can log online anywhere i want. Geek heaven, almost. However, in current events, I am still slaving in front of the computer working on the DVD, and i will be doing so for the next few days. I will check y'all later, yo.

P.S. Allie, you need to do your frickin' laundry.